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That's been playing in my head a lot more than what should be considered legally healthy. I'm losing my life to a life that doesn't even exist yet. And I'm already going through stress of the life to come and it isn't even here. SO much fucking bullshit gets laid on me and it really shouldn't be. I think people find it in themselves to look at me to come to when wanting to vent out and find shit that they can bitch about me so they can make themselves the all-mighty high and powerful. I try my hardest to stay out of other's lives, why do they have to come into mine. I have no control over my life, and even when I think I do, I still have people breathing down my neck like their God telling me I should and shouldn't do. I should stop now before I really go off. This hasn't been happening for a day or a week, this has been happening for months. I'm starting to slowly deteriorate inside. This is why I want my heart gone, yet people tell me to keep it. But if I keep it, it's going to eventually just turn cold and black. I can't fucking take this, not me, not now.

Fuck my life.

I am told by many that I have the distinct ability to tear out and crush any guy's heart. The sad part is, I don't even try. So many people try to win me over, to claim as theirs... Why? It causes so much stress in my life. Why do people have to act so human and possessive? Then when shit goes down and they don't get what they want, they make up pitty little rumors or get angry at you for the tiniest shit. I just want everything to be ok. I'm sorry for doing this to you... To all of you...